That Time I Started a Bar Fight

Okay, so I promised that I would share some of the situations that I find myself in and I thought that I would

share one of them in this particular post.

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That Time I Started a Bar Fight

An analysis written by MyLifeisinShambles

So at my school, the club is always the most popular when we get back after some sort of break (ie: holidays). Well, this past January a huge group of my friends decided we would all spend the latest parts of the night and the earliest parts of the next morning with a bunch of sloppy, sweaty students that we pretended to know during the visit but avoided in the halls the next day.

This particular visit wasn't really any different than the times before. The music was so loud that it was thumping the middle of my chest and keeping me on beat while many around me were off. My throat was strained from talking to my friends, my feet were in so much pain from making the decision to wear heels again even after I promised myself I wouldn't wear them the next time we all went out and I was sticky from killing it on the dance floor, as per usual. *shrugging emoji with the hand*

It was getting into the wee hours of the morning and I could tell that my girls were ready to go to McDonalds. As we rounded everyone up I noticed a friend across the bar that I hadn't seen in a while so I quickly wove in and out of people to run and say hi. We talked for a little bit and I figured it was time for that McDouble once I felt the pang of hunger deep in the pit of my stomach. I said my goodbyes, avoided people I sorta knew just to make it to the gals so I could get my McDonalds (fun fact: I actually don't drink and then need the drunk foodie cravings...I just really enjoy McDonalds. Actually I enjoy food in general).

When I made it back to the group of girls I arrived with, I noticed an older guy (we're talking NOT a student and ten years my senior) hanging off of them. I could tell by their faces that they were unimpressed and felt uncomfortable so I wedged my way in and asked if they were ready to go. Pulling them out from under this man's pits, we started making our way towards the exit of the club only for him to grab me and trap me this time.

The guy slurred his words and pointed to his friend who was equally as old and I literally had zero clue what words his mouth had tried to form but I asked him kindly to take his arm off of me. He continued to gag on his words like Chandler Bing does in the majority of the 10 seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S and left his arm sitting there. Again, I asked him to take his arm off of me but he wouldn't. After three or four times of telling him to leave me alone, I took hold of his clammy hand and removed his entire arm from the choke hold that I was in and said, "please don't touch me." That's it. That's all I said and did. And he snapped.

Almost immediately he was in my face yelling at me, spitting as he spoke and the words that he could actually form this time were "you can't tell me that I can't touch you." This group of words combined together set me off with a powerful message that shook me to my core with the greatest amount of disgust that I have ever felt before. So naturally, in retaliation, I shoved the guy out of my face and knocked him back a little bit only for him to get in my face even more and repeat the same heartbreaking sentence he formed seconds before. This time I shoved him even harder, his back hitting the edge of the bar and I felt a tug on my arm from my friend, urging me to leave. The guy then moved closer to me and began telling me that "we were gonna go..right now...outside!" (he literally wanted to fight me..classy guy *slow clap*). Once I started leaving he ran into one of my friends. Her boyfriend and this guy punched each other a bit since he then moved to her just as I got the bouncer. The bouncer was clocked in the face and then the police showed up while I slipped out of the club and ran to my car with my girls and McDonalds in the near future.

I laughed about the whole situation with my friends and told the story a few times the next day but the more I thought about it, the more his phrase frightened me. To think that someone actually formed these words and meant what they said was spirit shattering and soul crushing. I just didn't get it. I thought back to earlier in the year when I was out with friends again and someone decided that they would introduce themselves and get my attention by grabbing a big ole handful of my McDoubled-out booty just so that I would turn around and they could ask me my name. My friends stuck up for me and stayed with me as the guy followed me home that night. I thought about the time I would be walking by with my friends and someone would grab my arm and pull me away from them while I heard "how are you doing tonight?" and I replied "I'd be better if you got your hands off of me", only for that person to call me whatever names they felt like just because I didn't want to be treated like I was. I thought about all of these experiences that I had faced after hearing the words "you can't tell me that I can't touch you" and it was me that felt dirty and ashamed. Me.

I think it is important to note that although the situations that I am referencing involved guys, there are also many, many cases where men are the ones being sexually assaulted and abused, too. These kinds of things happen to people of all sexual orientations, not just females.

|If you haven't guessed it just yet, this week's blog is about consent.|

Consent is something that has been talked about more and more and I think that it is extremely important to do so. Each and every day people are sexually assaulted and it is not okay to do something without permission, or without checking in with that person even after consent was given. People can change their minds, and that's okay because it is their body. In my situation, nothing escalated beyond the guy getting kicked out of the club, but it could have. It is scary to think that it could have become even worse but to me, the scariest part of my situation was the fact that this guy, whoever he was, thought that he had the right to my body and that I did not have a say or control over it.

This past year I had the opportunity to teach grades 1 and 2 and there were times where a student wouldn't leave a peer alone even after they were told to and they hugged their peers and others who said things like "can I have a hug?" to them even when they really didn't want to do it. I took it upon myself to take these reoccurring themes and teach these kids what consent was. Basically, no means no. Such a simple concept but yet, so difficult for many to understand. I believe that spreading this message starts with education and being educated in this particular subject matter.

|I don't know if sexual assault will ever become a thing of the past but if teaching others, young and old, about the importance of consent and respecting everyone in their decisions, makes some sort of positive impact; then sign me up. I will be an advocate for each and every being on this planet. I hope you will, too.|

-E